Sawdust

Carried Bradshaw’s style definitely contrasts that of Aiden. Her high fashion style of boots and sequence tank tops drastically clash her carpenter boyfriend’s grungy jeans and (maybe) a t-shirt style. But they are just right for each other.

Today Conner took me backstage the theater where we hung out with his friends for lunch. With my hair all pinned up and four different colors on my eyelids, I sat in a sawdust covered chair. My dainty silk slippers tapped his sneakers to the beat of the music that resonated off the concrete walls. It was the first time I had been in “his school environment” as he has known it the last four years. I looked at Conner, relaxed in a splatter painted lounge chair surrounded by half-finished projects and felt peaceful at the sight of him.

An hour later I looked down and noticed I still had sawdust all over my new black dress shirt. I felt like Carrie just returning from Aiden’s carpentry workshop. My many gold bangle bracelets jingled as I wiped off the sawdust. I smiled and thought about how two so seemingly different people can go together so well. I smiled at how jeweled, freshly painted fingers fit perfectly in large, spray painted hands.

Third Time's A Charm, Right?

Strike One
You can love who you are when you are with him. You are confident, strong, closer to God. You can see the potential and know you would do great things together. But for one reason or another, you cannot and will not be together. It hurts, but it's just not going to work.

Strike Two
You can love him for who he is. Love him for his dreams, his skills, his smile and his heart. You can love everything about him, and be in love with him. But for one reason or another, you don't work well together. It's not that you don't care for each other, one just cannot supply what the other needs. It hurts, but it just doesn't work.

Third Time's A Charm, Right?
One day, you will love a man for who he is. You will love how you are when you are with him. You will love how you are together. You will be in love from every angle. And it will be the same thing for him.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

The first day of a break up is an emotional haze. The second is even harder. Looking back on Thursday, I have to say that I learned a lot. Now, I'll admit I am no more knowledgable of the American judicial system than I was the day before, nor have I figured out how to say "to come" in French yet, but what I did learn that day will probably stay with me longer anyway.

• Donuts are worse for you than body piercings.
• There's never a good excuse to skip a meal. An empty stomach will cause uncontrollable feelings of guilt to pump through your sugar-filled veins.
• Never surrender your hope to the unfortunate circumstances of the world.
• Don't lie to your mother.
• Look people in the eye.
• Wear your hair the way that makes you feel prettiest and dress exactly how you want to dress.
• When your feet are cold, everything is uncomfortable.
• Apologize to your teachers.
• There's no such thing as over-tipping.
• Unexpected help will be given to you when you need it.
• Anger and pride can conceal your hurt from others, but it will never heal you.
• It's okay to just hold your Bible and just feel God rather than memorize verses.
• Just because your mouth smiles, it doesn't mean your heart does.

The second day can be worse, but it doesn't have to be. Every day I will get up because I haven't surrendered my hope because of situations like this. I haven't concealed my hurt with anger because I asked God to take that anger away. He did, and He replaced it with understanding. I'm asking God to prepare me for whatever He has in store. And He is already helping me to smile from my heart.