It's hard enough

I can't imagine being divorced. It's hard enough trying to dig deep enough to recover from the pain of a breakup from a boyfriend of 3 months.

Crying
sleeping in
sobbing, crumpled on the floor
missing school
missing work
napping all day
tears streaming during forcedly normal conversations
not eating
not sleeping
sleeping too much
irregular sleep
dangerous thoughts
hopelessness
fear
chest pains
foggy brain
delayed responses
lack of caring
irrational emotions at uncalled for times

Symptoms of a broken heart. Symptoms of heartache, brought on by a casual dating experience. What must it be like to be a mom of 3 children and your husband doesn't want come home one day or ever again? What must it be like to be a newly wed and your husband decides he wants to take it all back? What must it be like to live as man and wife for 64 years, and you wake up one morning and the man who has been with you and loved you through fire and rain...fell asleep forever? I cannot fathom what that pain is like.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

The first day of a break up is an emotional haze. The second is even harder. Looking back on Thursday, I have to say that I learned a lot. Now, I'll admit I am no more knowledgable of the American judicial system than I was the day before, nor have I figured out how to say "to come" in French yet, but what I did learn that day will probably stay with me longer anyway.

• Donuts are worse for you than body piercings.
• There's never a good excuse to skip a meal. An empty stomach will cause uncontrollable feelings of guilt to pump through your sugar-filled veins.
• Never surrender your hope to the unfortunate circumstances of the world.
• Don't lie to your mother.
• Look people in the eye.
• Wear your hair the way that makes you feel prettiest and dress exactly how you want to dress.
• When your feet are cold, everything is uncomfortable.
• Apologize to your teachers.
• There's no such thing as over-tipping.
• Unexpected help will be given to you when you need it.
• Anger and pride can conceal your hurt from others, but it will never heal you.
• It's okay to just hold your Bible and just feel God rather than memorize verses.
• Just because your mouth smiles, it doesn't mean your heart does.

The second day can be worse, but it doesn't have to be. Every day I will get up because I haven't surrendered my hope because of situations like this. I haven't concealed my hurt with anger because I asked God to take that anger away. He did, and He replaced it with understanding. I'm asking God to prepare me for whatever He has in store. And He is already helping me to smile from my heart.