More on Shoes

I wrote about shoes earlier....however, I must retract part of my statement. I recently was going to meet up with a guy, and I gave a little extra thought to what I was going to wear. I assembled my whole outfit complete with accessories, and right before I headed out the door, I slipped on a pair of shoes. I remember thinking, "Ah dang, these shoes aren't exactly perfect for the ensemble I'm going for, but whatever guys don't notice your feet anyway." Later that night, he and I were hanging out and in passing he mentions my shoes with approval.

It was oddly nice to be noticed by this guy, and for even my shoes to be noticed. Maybe as women, we want the little things to be noticed and appreciated. Even if it is just a pair of shoes or a new haircut, even if it's that we say a certain phrase often, or that we have quirky little mannerisms when we speak, we just love that someone is interested enough to notice these little things about us.

It's hard enough

I can't imagine being divorced. It's hard enough trying to dig deep enough to recover from the pain of a breakup from a boyfriend of 3 months.

Crying
sleeping in
sobbing, crumpled on the floor
missing school
missing work
napping all day
tears streaming during forcedly normal conversations
not eating
not sleeping
sleeping too much
irregular sleep
dangerous thoughts
hopelessness
fear
chest pains
foggy brain
delayed responses
lack of caring
irrational emotions at uncalled for times

Symptoms of a broken heart. Symptoms of heartache, brought on by a casual dating experience. What must it be like to be a mom of 3 children and your husband doesn't want come home one day or ever again? What must it be like to be a newly wed and your husband decides he wants to take it all back? What must it be like to live as man and wife for 64 years, and you wake up one morning and the man who has been with you and loved you through fire and rain...fell asleep forever? I cannot fathom what that pain is like.

emptying me of myself

I think I'm going crazy going crazy
sitting here sitting here
I'm going crazy sitting here doing nothing

Nothing with my heart
nothing with my mind
nothing with my time

I'm going crazy not knowing
where to go
where to seek
where to live this life

I'm
I'm
I'm emptying my mind
emptying my life
emptying my heart of myself

I'm dumping all these dreams
desires
wants
longings
dumping them into a pile
and sweeping them out the door

I don't need them anymore
because God has something else in mind
He has something else
something wonderful
something marvelous
something I could never dream up

All these dreams I have,
who do they benefit?
Me, selfish me
And even then, my dreams aren't that good for me

God knows what's good for me
And He's got it all in line
He's got it all set up
So I can stop going crazy
going crazy trying to plan out my life
Because who do I think I'm kidding?
I don't have half as good a plan as God does

5'4" below your face

Women care so much about shoes. They care so much about the materials that cover their tiny little feet that walk on the grimy ground.

Men don't give a crap. I doubt they ever notice shoes, unless that are thigh-high neon green spike high heels.

Shoes are so close to the ground; why would you want to draw attention 5 feet 4 inches below your face? And if a guy does notice your shoes, why would you want to be with a man who stares at the ground? Men already have to bend their heads just to look at women's eyes; why do women want those men to crane their necks even more to check out what is keeping their feet warm? (or, more often, what is unsensibly strapped to the soles of their feet)

The obsession with impractical footwear does not make sense, yet an outfit, an attitude, and a statement can be completely altered by the selection of the shoes.

Step One: Admit

I shall admit
into the night
that i am a bit of a mess

I shall admit
unto the Lord
that I am in extreme distress

I will admit
to myself
to you
to all and beyond
that i am a bit of a mess